HERE TO WATCH GIRLS, CHAPTER Fourteen: A Welcome Change? (14 OF 14)

[protoneoromanic.livejournal.com]

Title: Here to Watch Girls
Author: ProtoNeoRomantic
Betas: Gilescandy & porkwithbones
Rating: Mature (work as a whole bordering on NC-17, but really just because of that one chaper a few chapters back)
Paring: Giles/Willow, Giles/Buffy, Giles/Cordelia, Giles/other female characters
Word Count:  2162 (this chapter)

“And then!” Willow went on, enraptured by the drama of her tale and the glory of its hero, filling him in on the details of the victory she had merely informed him of on her earlier, much briefer visits, before the medical restrictions on their time together had at last been relaxed. “Buffy threw the thing, the, the metal thing? Right past his head! And, and it broke that little window! The one *I* showed her when we were going over the Bronze's floor-plan on the laptop! So, this giant vampire is just completely freaking out and covering his face. I mean he's scared to death! Literally!!! Because! Because, that's when Buffy pulls the stake out of her sleeve, and just jabs it into him! Right between the ribs! Right in the heart! And she says! She says! Do you know what she says!?! 'It's in about nine hours, Moron!'”

Willow physically jumped for joy, actually clapping her hands in excitement. “It was just... just... the most amazing, cleverest, coolest, baddest, awesomest thing of anything ever!” Giles smiled. It was nice to see her being genuinely cheerful again, not just forcing it for his sake. She'd lost a lot the last few weeks, and he knew her heart was troubled. She had barely mentioned the loss of her two childhood friends whom he had failed to save. But the *way* she barely mentioned them—not as if they didn't matter, but as if the whole subject was too painful to speak of—told him that she had taken Jesse's death rather hard and Xander's undeath even harder. But for the moment at least, she seemed to be coping okay. With that and all of her other troubles. Even if she was able to cope only by putting them out of her mind.

“And, and,” Willow went on breathlessly, “She showed me how to lob these little bottles of holy water at the vampires like grenades! And, and—this was after she killed the blonde girl one with the cymbal but before that 'Angel' guy showed up to act like he was going to help after it was almost all over already, like we were gonna *not* know he was a vampire—And, and, I did it! And they ran away. Him, too. From me! Vampires ran away from me, Giles!”

Giles? Wait? How are you suddenly on a last name basis again? I told you she was sensible. Giles countered with a deep internal sigh. Knowing it was for the best. That it was inevitable in any case. Sensible? For calling you by your last name? She's figured out I'm not her boyfriend, that I can't be, that she doesn't want me to be. Which is all the better for everyone, including you.

Giles tried to smile understandingly, to hide the irrationally wounded feelings that Willow didn't deserve to have to see. This affair had been nothing but harmful to her. Amidst the sucking, draining morass of regret and shame and loss in which he was mired, Giles couldn't help but feel a small glimmer of relief that the whole debacle was finally over. Not to mention pride in Willow for having the strength and the good sense to put a stop to it, even if he couldn't. Now that he was done abusing this poor girl, maybe she could begin to heal.

You'll be fucking again in three weeks tops, the demon predicted confidently. Now the school's burned down? Giles scoffed. I highly doubt it. I doubt your doubt. His incubus replied smugly. You two are in this too deep. You hardly need my help anymore. As soon as I stop repressing your natural androgen production so you can heal comfortably (you're welcome, by the way) 2 to 1 you'll be all over each other before I even get up to any of my old tricks.

But truth be told—as Giles struggled to follow Willow's detailed recitation of her clumsily victorious encounter with the vampire Angelus and her discovery of his identity through research after the fact—he was more worried about dealing with the possibility that he might soon never see her again than with the nonsense the demon was suggesting. Ahem... as I was saying... He certainly wouldn't be seeing her at school every day. Eventually, there were plans to rebuild Sunnydale High on the same site, but it had already been decided not to rush things, to take the opportunity to improve, to upgrade to a state of the art facility.

For now, the entire ninth grade had been sent back to Sunnydale Jr. High and as many of the upperclassmen as possible, including Willow, had been absorbed by nearby Fondren High. The rest were scattered among the numerous private schools that had stepped up to provide tuition waivers for Sunnydale students, including Buffy's new Alma Matter, Ms. Porter's School for Girls. This arrangement would continue certainly for the rest of the semester, and in all probability, for the entire coming school year.

In the meantime, surely within the next few months, he would be replaced by the Watcher's Council and forced to return to England, where at least the distance from the now closed Hellmouth would give the demon even less power over him. You do that, and I swear I'll give you cancer. Ha! You won't. Not even if you still can, and you know it. You're truly stuck with me now, and you don't want to live without this testicle. Even less than I do. What good's it going to do you to possess an empty sack, even if you can keep purchase? And if not, back to limbo for another century or two of boredom. So, we are going to do things my way from now on, and if you behave yourself, I might occasionally let you experience a little bit of sex.

There was a definite sense that the argument was not concluded. That the demon would have more to say, but was holding its peace for now. Giles tried to ignore its active silence and focus more on what Willow was saying. But her use (yet again) of his sir name as a form of address caught him off guard once more. He winced with the still unpleasant shock of their new, more sensible, relation before attempting to cover with a smile that he hoped wouldn't look too much like a grimace.

It was probably much the expression he'd made when she'd said the same thing a few minutes earlier, but this time Willow—being less absorbed in her tale now that it was one of research methods rather than high adventure—actually noticed. She paused, looking suddenly apologetic and more than a bit worried. “Sorry, Rupert,” she said dropping her eyes. “That's just... what we've all been calling you the last couple of weeks. She's just—Buffy I mean—it's just—” There was a definite sense of a forced subject change “...it sounds more teachery, anyway, doesn't it?”

“Yes,” he agreed miserably, more confused than ever by his contradictory feelings, and his silly, cruel, selfish hope that somehow, despite her own good sense, she would want to continue their disastrous association after all. “Perhaps that's better, lest... lest someone suspect...”

“That you're my snuggle bunny?” Giles didn't mean to make the horribly conflicted face he felt like making at that, but he must have, because Willow's face fell. “You are, though,” she asked worriedly, puppy eyes focused on him, “Aren't you?”

Are. Present tense. Giles hadn't realized how heavily dread and regret had been weighing upon him, until he felt the joyful sensation of relief, like heavy stones being lifted from his chest, a reprieve from pressing death. With a small smile, he reached up and touched her cheek with his fingertips, their first skin-to-skin contact since he'd been hospitalized. “Always,” he murmured, wishing he could believe that half as much as he meant it, wishing their love could be sensible, could give her what she wanted, what she needed, so that she would always truly want him to stay.

It was all too good to be true, of course. Soon enough she would want someone her own age. A love she could declare openly. A love with a future. They could never have that. Willow was only fooling herself that they could. She was ignoring the impossibility, pushing it to the back of her mind in the same way that she had the loss of her friends and the ticking timebomb that was her pregnancy. Really, Giles chided himself, he was being selfish. Any decent man would have withdrawn his support for the delusion that they could live happily ever after. Would have let her go sooner, rather than later.

Giles knew all of that. And yet... he couldn't help but hope.... No, it wasn't really *hope*, he tried to correct himself, because it would be foolish to *really* hope.... It wasn't as though he honestly thought there was a chance that they might come through all of this as lovers and friends. As partners. As a family.

It was more... he didn't know. He just couldn't break things off right now, not like this. Not while he was still leaning on her so much and had nothing but the promise of love to offer her in return. Maybe in a week or two, when he was just a little stronger... Riiiiiiiiiiiight. What's that supposed to mean. Like I said, the demon reminded him smugly, you two are in this too deep already. Every day you spend together will only make it harder to let go. And that goes double for little Plus One. Trust me, you're going to be stuck with her til death doth you part.

I won't be staying here, Giles reminded his inner demon. I literally can't. As he put the thought into words, he began to panic internally. He could feel the horrible reality of their situation settling over him again, like the same familiar rocks being piled back onto his chest. The rhythmic beeping of one of his various monitors became less regular, less healthy sounding, but he ignored it, to overwhelmed with emotion to worry about a little thing like his health.

I've already requested reassignment, he pointed out, horrified. And I've even informed the Council that I'm partially possessed, so they're hardly going to take my word that the crisis is resolved and I'm fine to keep working with the Slayer. Not that the Slayer would even agree! Even if I were to resign the Council, where would I get another immigration sponsor? Especially over their objections. My position at the school has been eliminated. The *school* has been eliminated. I'm nothing to anyone here except Willow, and she has even less power over the situation than I have!

Stuck with her? Bloody hell, we're going to be forcibly pulled apart if I don't think of some way to stop it! Dear God! I can't let this happen. I can't just... leave her like this. Certainly not if she's—well if she really intends—I mean but—bloody hell—*Plus One*! I can't, I can't do that to her!

Did I hear a request for assistance in that word salad somewhere? What!?! No! Certainly no—er why? Do you have a suggestion? Fear not! The demon assured him. For one thing, there's more to your little girlfriend than meets the eye! I've been watching the way she gets things done... well listening mostly, what with you tending to have your eyes closed, but wow! And that aura! The way it flares up when she IS getting things done, or when something gets in her way. She is something else. Don't deny, even you can feel it. Believe me, where there's a Wil, there's a way.

Perhaps that was true. Perhaps not. Special as he knew Willow to be, she was still, in legal terms, in terms of social status and power dynamics, a child. Expecting her to be able to do anything more to help him with his present difficulties was probably wishful thinking at it's worst. Truth be told, anything that needed to be done was some he himself would have to do. As yet, he had not even the barest hint of a plan of action.

But there was one thing Giles knew for certain. He wasn't just going to walk away from the girl he loved. He wasn't going to abandon her, not with a child, not with a grief of losing a child already actively imagined, and certainly not with the responsibility of making that choice alone and unsupported. Not on the say so of the Council or the INS or anyone else. Notwithstanding the law was against them, whether or not it was 'for her own good', anyone who wanted to separate him from Willow had best be getting together that team of wild horses, because they were bloody well going to have to drag him away.