Fic: The Spirit of the Calling (Rupert/Buffy - NC-17 or FRAO) - Part 4

[laurtew.livejournal.com]

Spirit of the Calling - Part 4

Author’s Name: The Library Girl (E-Mail: thelibrarygirl@Yahoo.com)
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Rating: NC-17 or FRAO
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Warnings: Lots of crazy sex.
Season: Takes place at the end of season four.
Word Count for this Section: 4500

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When Buffy woke up the next morning, it took her a moment to remember where she was. Giles’s place; Giles’s bed. She’d had sex with Giles. Mind blowing, life altering, repeatedly all over his flat, sex with Giles. She’d had sex with him eight…or was it nine times? She’d lost count somewhere between the couch and the stairs. Buffy thought she should be completely freaked out, and yet, she really wasn’t.

She turned slightly, looking at the man in bed next to her. His hair was all mussed, he was snoring softly, and his hand was resting possessively on her hip. All in all, he made a completely sexy picture. She frowned as she looked at him, trying to put a name to what she was feeling.

She wanted to say that last night had been all about the sex and the need, but lying here, looking at him, she wasn’t sure that was entirely true. Great, just great. Now she was falling for Giles? That wasn’t going to be bad or anything. She was pretty sure that the only reason last night had happened was because he had desperately needed the outlet. She couldn’t let herself get all emotionally tangled here when it was going to be one-sided. And yet…

Buffy sighed. If she was smart, she’d leave now before he woke up and stuttered some excuse about it being because of their DNA. She gently slipped out of bed, mentally trying to tally up where her clothes had gone. Was her bra even salvageable?

She heard a noise and turned to see him staring at her, his expression unreadable. She didn’t know what to say, so she just stared back, the seconds seeming to spin out forever.

“Buffy?” he asked quietly, breaking the spell.

“Did I wake you up? I’m sorry. I was just getting dressed. Of course, I can’t really get dressed up here, because, well, clothes are downstairs, but you know, because you were there, right?” Her voice sounded high pitched and hysterical, yet she couldn’t stop herself. If she let him talk, it was over. “So, yeah, finding my clothes. And…um…you can just stay here, if you want to. But, you know, you don’t have to. It’s your house and all.”

Through it all, he just watched her, not saying anything and that made it somehow worse. The least he could do was to *try* and let her down easy.

“Okay, so clothes,” she babbled on, feeling the need to run. “I’ll just take care of that.”

She turned to go downstairs, wondering how they were going to salvage any semblance of a relationship from this mess. She needed him to be her Watcher if nothing else, and she had completely screwed that up. Great, just great.

“Buffy?” His voice was just above a whisper.

“Don’t, Giles,” she said, her back to him, her eyes closed. She couldn’t even draw in a breath to tell him she couldn’t survive the rejection.

And then he was there, pulling her to him, his arms protectively around her. She tried to be strong, tried to push herself away and march down the stairs. But instead, she clung to him, shaking with silent sobs.

“Oh, Buffy, I’m so sorry,” he whispered, stroking her hair. “How could I have done this to you?”

“It wasn’t your fault,” she said, her voice muffled against his chest. “I was the one who came to you.”

“I should have been stronger.” She could hear the tension in his voice. “I wanted to send you away, but after so many nights of needing you, wanting you, loving you, I couldn’t.”

Buffy froze against him. She couldn’t have heard right. Did he say…? She stepped back from his arms, looking up at him, searching his face.

“Buffy?”

“Giles, I…” she paused. If she was wrong, there was no way to take this back and it could make this whole thing so much worse. All she needed was him avoiding her because she had a crush on him. “It’s just…you…this…”

She was looking at him, tears in her eyes, needing to know, but terrified to jump.

“Buffy, what is it?” His hand was resting on her shoulder.

“Why?” Okay, that wasn’t vague or anything. But at least it was safe. “Why did you…?”

She left it there, but he seemed to know what she was asking.

“I’m sorry, Buffy. I knew that my body was in control when I let you in. I should have sent you away, but you were so scared.”

“So, it was just because of your hormones?” she asked, feeling unaccountably disappointed.

“Well, I…it was…I…” He stopped, looking at the floor.

“Giles?” she asked gently.

“I can’t answer that because I can’t lie to you,” he said, turning away. “Not this time.”

She put her hand on his back.

“Please tell me. No matter what the answer is, don’t I deserve to know?”

“Are you really sure you want to?” he asked, tension coming off his body in waves.

“Please?” she whispered.

He turned and looked at her, his eyes dark and serious.

“I love you, Buffy. Not as a father, not as a friend, but as a man, desperately in love with a beautiful woman.” His voice was slow and measured, but Buffy could hear the panic in it. He stood, looking at her with some desperation. “I was never going to tell you, to burden you with this.”

“Oh, Giles.” She reached out and took his hand. “Who says it’s a burden. Maybe I wanted to know that. Maybe I…maybe I feel the same way.”

He frowned, looking at her.

“Buffy…” His voice was tight and she could hear all the things he wasn’t saying about pity and obligation.

“Hear me out,” she said, taking a chance. “I don’t know anything about love and I’m not sure of anything. But I do know how you make me feel. And not just last night, but here, now. No one has ever worried about me or cared for me like you do. I’m not sure how I missed this before. I guess because I wasn’t really looking for it. Or maybe just because I’m me. But I don’t want to leave and I don’t want to go back to you just being the Watcher. So what does that mean?”

“Buffy, you have to know how…unconventional this is. You deserve someone your age, someone you can grow old with, make a life with. I’m not someone you could really love.”

“You mean, someone who will use me or expect me to pretend I’m less than I am so I don’t bruise his ego? And we both know that I’m not likely to grow old.”

“You will if I have anything to say about it,” he responded fiercely. “And those boys are idiots. I’m sure you will find one who appreciates who you really are.”

“I think I’ve already found one,” she said, walking over to him and touching his face. “And he accepts and loves everything about me.”

“Oh, Buffy.” He closed his eyes. “You can’t mean this.”

“Why not?”

“Look at me,” he said with some exasperation. “I am old and worn, how could you ever want this?”

“I don’t think you are. I don’t know how I never noticed before, but you are one sexy man. And you treat me with such love and respect, so much better than anyone else ever has.”

He raked a hand through his hair, gathering his thoughts.

“And what of Riley?” he asked, his eyes boring into hers. “A few days ago, he was everything to you.”

“He was never everything to me,” she responded. “I wanted something normal, someone who wouldn’t become a demon, just because he slept with me. I’ve excused a lot of things, just so we could stay together. But he doesn’t love me. He couldn’t or he wouldn’t always be trying to change me. I just never thought there was anything else.”

“And you don’t love him?”

“Giles, in all eight times that we…”

“Nine,” he absently corrected.

“Okay, nine times we made love last night, did I ever call out his name?”

“Well, no.” He sounded unsure.

“Did I call out yours?” Her voice was gentle.

“Quite a bit actually,” he replied. “My name, a few profanities, and the name of God so many times I’d thought you’d had a religious conversion.”

She laughed.

“No, not a religious conversion. But I did just have a…what is that…a tympani?”

“An epiphany?”

“Yeah, that.” She smiled. “You knew this would change everything, didn’t you? Emotions aside, two people can’t do this and then go back to a mentor/student relationship. I know you weren’t completely thinking last night, but somewhere along the way, you were willing to risk what we had, just to keep me from suffering. And if that isn’t love, I’m not sure what is.”

“Buffy, I…” He looked at her helplessly.

“I know there are no guarantees,” she said, quietly. “In our lives, there never are. But if this makes us happy…well, I want to see how happy.”

He stepped forward, taking her into his arms.

“I don’t deserve you,” he whispered.

“I think you’ve got that backwards,” she responded, wrapping her arms around his waist. “But, I’ll let you keep believing it.”

He chuckled, kissing the top of her head.

“So, shall we get dressed?” he asked. “I can make you breakfast.”

“I’d rather cuddle in bed for a while,” she said. “If that’s okay with you.”

“That can definitely be arranged,” he responded, moving them towards the bed.

Once there, he let her go just long enough to settled under the covers. He reached for her and she crawled across the bed, snuggling in his arms. He was kissing the top of her head and she realized that she hadn’t been so content in a very long time. And yet, something was nagging at the back of her mind. Maybe it was because nothing in her life ever worked out this easily. But she couldn’t shake the worry. She turned in his arms, looking up at him.

“Giles?”

“Yes, love?”

She could definitely get used to that.

“Giles? Why…” she paused, not sure how to ask without sounding childish. But she had to know. She took a breath. “Why do you love me?”

He looked down at her, his eyes searching hers. After a minute, his hand came up to stroke her face.

“There are so many reasons. And they go far beyond your breathtaking beauty.” He smiled down at her and she felt tears in her eyes. “It may not always seem like it, but I appreciate your intelligence. You may think you are not clever, but your insights and ability to remember things leave me in awe sometimes. I am also stunned by your bravery. I know your calling frightens you, but you have never failed to face a foe, even when you knew you couldn't win. I am so proud to work with you. I admire your strength. Other men have tried to make you hide it, hide who you really are, but I never want you to be anything but the amazingly strong woman you are. I love that you can knock me on my arse with one punch and I equally love that you won’t be intimidated in an argument. Your strength leaves me breathless and makes me love you all the more. It took me a while to get used to your sense of humor and fun, but my life would be empty without it. Your life hasn’t been an easy one, yet you face every day with a smile and you have brought such light to my world. You’ve taught me to laugh, even in the face of danger. It’s honestly a talent. I could go on. Do I need to?”

Tears were streaming down her face as Buffy shook her head. She pulled him down, kissing him gently. He broke the kiss, looking down at her nervously.

“Buffy, might I ask you…” He paused, taking a deep breath. “I suppose I’m wondering…when you stopped seeing me as ‘very very old’?”

“Oh, Giles.” Buffy reached up, touching his face. “I never really did. I just said that because I was mad about Olivia.”

“Why?”

“Well, I wasn’t really sure at the time. But I think I was jealous of her.” When he raised an eyebrow, she smiled. “Not as a romantic rival. At least I don’t think so. But, there she was, in your house, wearing your clothes. And you were mine. My Watcher, my Giles, not hers. And she was being all shirt wearing, cheese eating girl, in your house.”

“I’m sorry, she was what?” He looked confused and Buffy laughed.

“Nothing. I didn’t want to share you. So, I did the only thing I could think of to hurt you. I’m sorry about that.” Her expression turned serious. “Giles, you are everything to me. I didn’t realize it before, but you are. You keep me alive, you love me the way I am. Your brilliance, your compassion, your endless patience all add up to one amazing man. Add in your hotness and sex god abilities and I’m totally hooked.”

He was smiling at her.

“Sex god abilities?”

“Oh, yes, definitely.”

“And what exactly would that mean?” he asked, pulling her closer.

“Why don’t I show you?” she asked, nuzzling his neck.

He leaned in, kissing her deeply, taking possession of her mouth. She returned the kiss with equal fervor, her hands going to his head, bringing him closer. After a minute, he broke the kiss, moving to nip at her neck.

“Oh, yes,” he murmured against her skin. “Showing is a much better idea.”
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Buffy stood outside the door to Riley’s dorm room and took a deep breath. This wasn’t going to be pleasant, but it was best to just get it over with. She knocked. When the door opened, Riley looked relieved to see her.

“There you are!” He pulled her into the room. “I was starting to worry. I called your room this morning and Willow said she hadn’t seen you.”

“Oh, now you worry.” Buffy knew it was childish, but she couldn’t help herself. “Last night when I was dying, you couldn’t be bothered.”

“Buffy, you weren’t dying,” Riley replied, his voice tense. “Why do you always have to be so dramatic?”

“This isn’t working out.” Buffy hadn’t meant to be so blunt, but Riley was starting to get on her nerves. She briefly entertained the idea of punching him in the nose, but quickly shrugged it off. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“This is what I mean,” Riley said, frowning. “We have one fight and you want to call it quits.”

“Riley, this wasn’t just a fight,” Buffy said. “I needed you and you couldn’t deal with who I am.”

“That wasn’t you,” he insisted. “It was just a spell.”

“No, Riley, that was me. I’m the Slayer and that spell was just a part of business as usual in my life. I needed you to understand that, and typically, it was all about you and what makes you comfortable.”

“Okay, you’re upset. I get that.” He was pacing. “I can work with that. Next time, if you can keep from going all crazy, I’ll roll with it.”

“There won’t be a next time,” Buffy said. “I told you, I’m done with this. You didn’t even care enough to keep me here. You left me to just go off by myself, no matter how I was suffering.”

“I told you I’d have sex with you next time,” he responded, sounding exasperated. She could almost hear the “what else do you want from me?” that he’d left off.

“Oh, how generous of you,” she shot back. “If I can restrain myself, you’ll deign to touch me.”

“Buffy, you are going to throw away everything we have over a little sex?”

“Everything we have? And what would that be?”

“What are you talking about? You’re my girlfriend.”

“What does that mean to you?” Buffy asked, reigning in her frustration.

“Well…” He paused, struggling for words. “It means we share everything.”

“Like what?”

“Well, everything.” He was frowning at her.

“We don’t share my calling,” she said quietly. “When you do patrol with me, it has to be in approved Initiative fashion, my training be damned. We don’t share the same taste in books or movies, or even music. We don’t share our classes. What exactly is it, besides your bed, that we share?”

“Now you’re being silly,” he said. “Of course we don’t share everything. But…I love you.”

“Do you?” she asked, turning to look at him. “What does that even mean to you?”

“Buffy…I…” He broke off, looking at her helplessly.

“Okay, how about an easy one,” she said. “Why do you love me?”

“I…well, I do,” he said.

“But why? Surely there are reasons.”

“Well, yeah. You are cool and so sexy. Oh, and you know all about what I do, which is good and I know what you do.”

“And?” she prompted.

“And what? You are so hot and you are so good in bed…we are good in bed together.”

“So, let me see if I get this,” Buffy said, struggling to keep the anger out of her voice. “You love me because I’m sexy and good in bed and because you can play supernatural soldier boy without having to hide it from me? That’s what we have?”

“What we have is good,” Riley said, walking up to her, reaching for her hand.

Buffy took a step back, looking at him, wondering what she had ever seen in him. How could she have settled for this?

“It’s not enough,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry, but…it’s just not enough.”

“Buffy…”

“No.” She shook her head. “There’s nothing else to say. I’m sorry, but…I’m done.”

She turned walking for the door.

“Buffy, don’t,” he said. “You’ll regret this later.

“I doubt it,” she said, turning to look behind her. “Goodbye, Riley.”

With that, she closed the door behind her and walked down the hall.

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“Oh my God, Buffy, I was so worried!”

Buffy blinked, closing the door to her dorm room behind her. She’d forgotten all about Willow.

“I thought you were going to Riley’s when you left last night, but he called here looking for you at like nine this morning. What happened?”

Buffy crossed the room to sit on her bed. Where could she even start? She motioned to Willow, who came and sat on the bed next to her.

“I’m fine, but there’s just so much to catch you up on,” Buffy said, sighing.

“I don’t have class this afternoon,” Willow responded. “Talk to me.”

“I…well, there was that spell.”

“The joining spell?”

“Yeah. You know how we all had those dreams?” When Willow nodded, Buffy went on. “Well, there was an extra side effect for me, being as I’m the Slayer. I got this wicked scary power boost.”

“Oh, is that why you were so…super Slayer last night?” Willow asked.

“Yes. I’m faster and stronger, even my hearing and eyesight are better.”

“Well, that’s great, right? As spooky side effects go.”

“Yeah, well, there is something else,” Buffy said, looking at the floor, trying not to blush. “I’ve tapped into this pure primitive Slayer power and…well, you remember how Faith got when she didn’t get a kill?”

“Hungry?” Willow asked.

“The other one,” Buffy said, not able to meet Willow’s eyes.

“Oh…I see.”

“No, I’m pretty sure you don’t,” Buffy replied, shaking her head. “This wasn’t, ‘I’m a little turned on.” This was, ‘I’m so excited that I think I’m going to die,’ level, Wil.”

“So, you went to Riley and had some smoochies?”

“No, not exactly,” Buffy said. “Along with the need…I don’t know Wil…I had to have it…well, rough is sort of an understatement and it freaked Riley out.”

“So, what did you do?” Willow asked.

“I tried running around cemeteries looking for something to pummel. It worked before. But not last night.” Buffy paused, looking at Willow. “So, I went to see Giles.”

“Oh, that’s good, then,” Willow responded. “He always knows what to do. Did he help you?”

Buffy realized that she could probably say yes and Willow wouldn’t ask any further and she was very tempted to do just that. But Willow was her best friend and she deserved better than that.

“There’s more to this,” Buffy said, biting her lip and looking at the floor. “Giles…well, he comes from a long line of Watchers and somewhere along the way, he inherited this thing where when he fights the big creepies….well, he gets the same way I did.”

“Wait,” Willow frowned. “Is this from the spell?”

“No, I guess he’s always had it.”

“So, all these years, whenever we fight something, he gets all…” Willow trailed off. “Poor Giles. So, he knew what to do to make things better?”

“Not exactly,” Buffy said again, still looking at the floor.

“Buffy, what aren’t you telling me?”

Buffy looked up, her eyes meeting Willow’s. Suddenly Willow’s eyes were taking up half her face.

“Buffy, you didn’t!”

“Yeah, Wil, we did.”

Willow sat, several expressions chasing each other across her face. She let out a breath.

“What does this mean?” she asked. “Oh, what about Riley?”

“Riley and I aren’t together anymore,” Buffy said quietly. “And now Giles and I…are.”

Willow looked at her, taking it all in.

“Buffy,” she bit her lip and went on. “Was this just about the sex? Because this is Giles and…”

“No, Wil, it’s so much more than that. I just didn’t realize it before.”

Willow was nodding.

“Are you happy?”

“Yeah, we both are, I think. Are you freaked?”

“Honestly? Not really.” When Buffy frowned at her, Willow went on. “You and Giles have always been two sides of the same coin, Buffy. Watcher and Slayer, sacred calling and all that.”

“And the fact that he’s twenty-four years older than I am?”

“Hey, I always thought he was pretty darn sexy,” Willow said with a laugh. “So, what now?”

“What do you mean?” Buffy asked.

“How are you going to tell your mom? And let’s not forget Xander.”

“I’ll cross the mom bridge when I absolutely have to. I guess I should tell Xander and Anya, though. He’s not going to take it well, is he?”

Willow laughed.

“He might surprise you. I doubt it, but he might.”

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Xander sat, just staring at Buffy, an unreadable expression on his face.

“You okay?” Buffy asked.

“Give me a minute,” Xander said. “I’m…processing. Okay, so, you and Giles? As in *you and Giles*?”

“You’re completely freaked,” Buffy said, her shoulders slumping.

“No, I’m only partially freaked,” Xander said, running a hand through his hair. Buffy was struck by how much like Giles that particular mannerism was and wondered if Xander knew how big an influence the Watcher had been on him.

“Xander…”

“No, I’m getting there, Buffy,” he said, taking a deep breath. “I…well, you know, Giles is like a parent to me, and I guess I always felt he was to you too. But, he was never your father.”

Buffy was nodding at him, waiting for him to work through this.

“And he’s not a soul-less vampire or an egotistical soldier boy. But Buffy…”

“Xander, I know you…”

“I’m not jealous,” he interrupted. “Okay, for like a second, but then I think about what Anya and I have and I’m over it. But, Buffy, this is Giles. He’s…he’s been through a lot and…”

He looked at her, his serious demeanor impressing on her more than his words.

“I know,” she said, sighing. “So, what do you think?”

“Knowing Giles like I do, I think if you do this right, you’ll never have such an amazing relationship.” He looked at her, his eyes meeting hers. “But if you’re careless, I think you’ll break him like no one else has the power to.”

She should have been upset that Xander’s first thoughts were for Giles, not her, but she was too touched by his obvious affection for the Watcher.

“And you’re not freaked?” she asked.

“Oh, this is going to take some getting used to,” he sighed. “Not sure how I’ll feel, seeing you two being all snuggly. But…hell, you are supporting me and I’m dating an ex-demon, so I’ll get over it.”

“That means a lot to me, you know,” Buffy said, smiling at him.

“Yeah, well, what can I say? I’m a great guy.”

Buffy playful punched his arm.

“Yeah, you are.”

“Hey, Buffy,” he said, his tone going serious again.

“Hmm…”

“This might be…well…”

“What is it, Xand?”

“I love you like family, but I swear, if you hurt Giles, Slayer or no Slayer, I’ll…well, I’ll come up with something horrible to do to you.”

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“You need more cabinet space in here,” Buffy called from the bathroom. “Where am I supposed to put all my makeup and stuff?”

“I still don’t understand why you are putting it in here at all,” Giles said from the doorway. “You said no when I asked you to move in, and yet…”

“Hey, just because I’m not filling out a change of address form doesn’t mean I can’t keep stuff here. I’m your girlfriend. I’m allowed to do this now.”

“Yes, but…”

“Don’t you want me to spend more time here?” she asked, looking at him in the mirror.

“Of course I do, Buffy. That was why I asked you to move in.”

“Well, I’m not ready to do that. I’d have to tell mom first and…can we just wait to do that?” He closed his eyes and nodded. “But this way, if I keep stuff here, I won’t have to go back to my dorm in the morning and I can stay in bed with you longer.”

“I suppose I could purchase some shelves,” he said smiling at her. “It would give us a little more storage space.”

“That’s my white knight,” she said, grinning at him. She looked at her watch. “And I should probably get to the patrolling now.”

“Buffy, I was thinking that tonight, I might go with you,” he said casually. “It’s been a while. It…might be good for me to…evaluate your fighting style.”

“I would miss you too, Giles,” she replied with a smile. “If you want to come, I’d like to have you along.”

“Let me go get changed.”

When he came down the stairs ten minutes later, Buffy could only stare at him. He was wearing jeans and a dark green long sleeved shirt. He had black boots, and was wearing a long black trench coat. Buffy blinked as she realized he wasn’t wearing his glasses.

“I…this is what you wear to patrol in?”

“Sometimes,” he said, simply. “The coat pockets are excellent for carrying stakes and crosses.”

“But…you look so…wow. I should have been out patrolling with you before.”

He chuckled.

“You think a trench coat is sexy?” he asked, taking weapons from the chest by his couch.

“It is the way you wear it.”

She saw that he was blushing and she found that even cuter. He handed her some stakes and a short bladed dagger.

“Shall we go?”

Continued in Part 5