Fic: In Trust and in Blood (Giles/Angel) NC-17, Part 2 of 2

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Title: In Trust and In Blood, Part 2 of 2  (Find Part 1 of 2 HERE)
Author: chevron17
Beta/Research (Thank You!): will_conqueror1 and lilruca, any remaining oopsies entirely mine. Thanks also to katekat1010 for getting me started in S.O.G.
Pairing: Giles/Angel
Other Characters: Buffy, very briefly
Rating: NC-17 for sex and flashbacks to graphic torture
Text/Font Conventions: Italics represent flashbacks, Bold represents emphasis.
Length: Approximately 12,000 words, 68,000 characters, or 34 pages in 12 pt Verdana, for total of Parts 1 & 2, including Author's Notes at end.
Timeframe: Sometime during the summer after Graduation Day Pt. II (S3 end) and before The Freshman (S4 start). Angel had left for LA, but . . .
Summary: Angel needs Giles' help. He knows it's more than he should ask for, and it may be more than even Giles can give. Angst, rapprochement and hurt/comfort, with a positive ending.  An exploration of Giles' courage and compassion, and the power of forgiveness.
Disclaimer: Buffyverse and characters property of Joss Whedon, et al. This is a not-for-profit amateur work done with respect and intent of preserving and extending interest in the wonderful world of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Brief elements of dialogue taken from 0222, Becoming, Pt II, one scene description from 0217, Old Passion.
Warnings: Explicit M/M sex, flashbacks to torture.
 

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In Trust and In Blood (Part 2 of 2)

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“Hey, you still with me?” Angel asked.

Giles was very drowsy, lulled nearly to sleep by Angel's thorough massage. “My back has departed this world and proceeded onward to heaven.” He couldn't remember a time when his back had been so pain-free.

“Good,” Angel replied. “Time to head lower.”

Angel reached with intent to unfasten and pull Giles' trousers downward, but Giles rolled quickly to his side and reached a hand to stop him.

“No – it's time for you to have a turn,” Giles corrected.

Angel opened his mouth to object, but Giles quickly intervened. “Don't start with me,” Giles ordered, swinging his legs off the bed and standing. He reached for Angel's legs, pulling the vampire from his previous kneeling position at Giles' side into a sitting position with his legs over the edge of the bed.

One at a time, Giles unfastened Angel's shirt cuffs, stroking up his forearms and placing a light kiss at each wrist as he did so. He slid his hands under the shoulders of Angel's shirt, pushing the fabric back off his shoulders and down his arms. He leaned in close to Angel's ear and whispered, “Sensible shirt removal,” as he ran his hands sensually down Angel's arms, taking his time and removing the shirt completely.

“Not as much fun,” Angel mock groused as Giles laid the shirt neatly at the foot of the bed.

Giles turned back toward him. “That is only the beginning, I assure you.” He stepped back in front of the vampire and snugged his fingers in the dark hair, tilting Angel's head back for a devastating open-mouthed kiss.

Giles stroked his hands down over Angel's chest gently, mindful of the painful lines of the demonic injury. He played his fingertips over the vampire's nipples, feeling them rise and hearing Angel's moan of pleasure. Still maintaining their kiss, Giles lowered himself to one knee between Angel's legs, and set his hands first to pulling off the vampire's boots and socks, and then to opening his trousers.

Sliding his lips along Angel's jaw, Giles reached to gather the vampire's intimate organs in his hands. “Let's see about getting you ready for me, shall we?” Giles whispered.

Angel choked slightly, barely able to hold still. “I don't think that's going to be a problem.”

“Ah, the arrogance of youth,” Giles chided.

“No,” Angel returned, pushing Giles back slightly to look into his eyes. “The hotness of middle age,” he countered, reaching to run his fingertips sensually down Giles face and neck and chest.

Giles snorted in modesty, dipping his head to hide the blush he felt spreading at his cheeks, returning to his task. With Angel's organs gathered into one hand, he stood once more. Leaning in, he used his shoulder to push the vampire backward to the bed, keeping hold of Angel's intimate parts and following him down. He lowered his head to suck a nipple into his mouth and began a smooth and firm massage of Angel's balls, allowing the back of his hand to rub along the base of the vampire's cock at the same time. He hooked his right leg around that of the vampire and stroked his foot along the inside of Angel's calf, while shifting close to let Angel feel his own hardening cock pressing against the other's hip.

After a few moments of submitting to Giles' touch, Angel was painfully hard and ready to move on. He rolled them so that the Watcher was once again on his back beneath him. He stood and reached for Giles' belt, quickly opening it and unfastening Giles' trousers. Hooking his fingers under the material at Giles' waist, he tugged quickly downward. “These are coming off now,” he declared, and Giles lifted his hips to assist.

Angel quickly shoved his own pants down, kicking them away impatiently. He practically launched himself back onto the bed beside the Watcher in his eagerness to return skin to skin.

Giles found his mouth taken in a breath stopping kiss. It was almost distracting enough for him not to notice Angel maneuvering himself to lay atop Giles' body, but not quite. Giles broke away from their kiss with a loud groan as Angel began to grind his bare hips against his own. Angel reached a hand to take hold of both their cocks, the motions of his hips pressing them together in a heady friction. As Giles panted and moaned beneath him, Angel lowered his head to search out an erect nipple within the hair on Giles' chest. Taking it between his teeth, he tugged and licked at it firmly, making Giles groan at the sensation. As he switched to the other side, Angel released their cocks and repositioned his hips so he could slide his own cock downward between Giles' thighs, rubbing forcefully along the Watcher's balls, pleasuring them both. The friction was intense, and after a few moments, Angel withdrew to reach for the tube of lubricant.

Returning to Giles' side, he placed a hand on the Watcher's chest. “Roll over for me, Giles. I've still got to finish your massage.”

Half dazed with arousal, Giles complied, presuming “massage” at this moment was a euphemism for penetration.

He was wrong. Partly.

As soon as Giles was on his belly once more, Angel moved to kneel astride his legs. Running his hands slowly down Giles' back, he continued on to his buttocks, resuming the same type of firm massage he had applied earlier farther up. Angel spent some minutes working down the backs of Giles' legs, including a brief massage of each foot, listening to the Watcher's sighs of pleasure. He then ran his hands back up Giles' legs, one on each side, sliding inward and pressing outward at the same time, moving Giles' legs about shoulder width apart.

Giles squirmed in pleasure as Angel slipped one hand down along his buttocks to take hold of his balls from behind. Gripping him firmly, Angel lowered his head to lick and mouth along the inside of Giles' thighs.

“God . . . Angel . . .” Giles gasped struggling to keep still and let Angel work at him. He felt Angel's hands shift to grip his buttocks once again, and felt the vampire's thumbs slip inward, opening him. His breathing was rapid, his heart pounding in anticipation.

Giles was fully expecting to feel the pressure of Angel's cock at this point, so he was totally unprepared when it was a tongue he felt instead. The Watcher cried out in surprise and at the intense sensation, and would have bucked away had Angel not been holding him down. His hands clenched into the bedsheets with all his strength.

“Oh . . . dear . . . GOD!” Giles cried out.

Angel briefly smiled against Giles' skin, pleased to have provoked such a reaction from the usually taciturn Watcher. He continued his work, alternating long licks and short thrusts of his tongue at Giles' anus, working the Watcher to a fevered state. Giles' cock was painfully hard beneath him, and he was desperately shifting his hips to find a position which gave him relief.

“Dear Lord, Angel,” he gasped. “You've got me close . . . you need to be inside, before . . . before . . .”

“Easy,” Angel soothed, raising his head from Giles' ass. He leaned up to brush his lips through the soft hair behind Giles' left ear, pressing his lips and tongue gently along the bone there. “Easy . . . we've got time.”

Angel reached his left hand up to slowly entwine his fingers with the other man's, pulling them from their grip in the sheets to grip his own.

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Angel crouched down at Giles' side. “Come, on, Rupert,” Angel prompted after a few moments, emphasizing his words with a rough shake to the injured man's shoulder. “I only gave you twenty four strokes. What happened to my big, tough Watcher?”

“I'm not your Watcher, you bloody ponce!” Giles growled, but weakly, trying to roll to his side and face his tormentor.

“That's better! There's that spunky Brit I love.”

Angel turned to issue a command to his minions and was surprised by the sudden solid connection of Giles' left fist with his jaw, knocking him to his backside on the floor. It was a futile gesture, Giles knew, but it was nevertheless immensely, if only briefly, satisfying.

Anger flared sharply in Angel's eyes. Giles met his glare without flinching. “I trust that was 'spunky' enough for you?” he spat grimly.

“Oh, Rupert,” Angel replied with mock sadness, shaking his head, rolling easily back up to his crouch. “You really shouldn't have done that. Cause now you've forced me to do something about it.”

Moving faster than the eye could follow, Angel shoved Giles roughly over onto his back. The vampire's left knee came across his captive's chest, just below his shoulders, pinning him to the floor. Pain flared agonizingly in Giles' injured back and he clenched his teeth against it. Angel reached to take Giles' left hand between his own, turning it this way and that, making a show of examining it closely. Giles tried to pull his hand away to no avail – Angel was much too strong.

“You know,” Angel began thoughtfully, “I always thought this was a really cool ring. Not a Watcher's ring, I guess, cause none of the others had them. But you always wear it, so I guess it must be special to you, right? In honor of that, I'd kind of like to do something really special with it. Should I make you eat it? Choke you with it?” Angel mock sighed. “I really can't decide.” He looked thoughtful a moment then brightened with an enthusiastic smile. “I know - I'll dip it in your blood and send it to Buffy with a note about where to find your drained and butchered corpse when I'm done with you!”

“And shortly thereafter you'll be dust,” Giles snarled.

“Think so?” Angel challenged with a vicious sneer. “She's never been able to do it before. Think she'd do it for you?”

Angel's smile broadened at the naked look of uncertainty in Giles' eyes, knowing he'd just cut the other man more deeply than he could with any whip.

“Anyway, back to my point, I can't have you going around punching me, so . . .”

With a sharp crack that echoed in Giles' ears, Angel snapped the proximal bone in the index finger of his captive's left hand. Giles cried out in pain, knowing full well that Angel wasn't going to stop with just one. His right arm and his legs were free, and he struggled desperately, but he was severely weakened from the beatings, and Angel's knee across his chest held his body firmly pressed against the floor. Angel was simply too strong, and he was helpless.

“You're left-handed, aren't you, Rupert? This is going to put a cramp in your style.” SNAP

When the third bone snapped, oblivion and shock finally rescued Giles from the pain, if only temporarily. He didn't hear the fourth.

Angel stood over his victim, disappointed his plaything was currently unavailable.

“Pick him up,” he barked to his minions. “Put him in the chair in the other room and tie him good.”

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Keeping their fingers entwined, Angel lay down along Giles' side, keeping the majority of his weight off the other man, waiting for his breathing to quiet somewhat. He reached his other hand to stroke along Giles' temple, brushing sweaty hair back from the Watcher's forehead.

“Will you roll over for me, Rupert?” Angel asked gently.

Giles' head turned slightly and his eyes looked up quizzically at the vampire's face above his own.

“I want to be able to see you – to kiss you,” Angel explained. “Since we both like it and all.”

Giles rolled slowly to his back, his hands out from his shoulders, waiting.

“I've got the lube here but I don't see any . . .”

Giles swallowed and found his voice, trying to pitch it to something close to his usual teaching mode and not quite succeeding. “My reading suggests . . .,” he cleared his throat, “suggests that since the ancient text predates the use of such relatively modern appliances, the intent would be for a direct joining. Also, to the best of my knowledge, the normal requisites for condom use do not apply between us.”

“Okay. Just lube then.”

“A generous amount, if you please.”

“Don't worry.”

Angel leaned down and gave Giles a brief kiss to the lips, then moved quickly downward, placing kisses along his throat, down his chest and belly, then moving without hesitation into his crotch.

Giles groaned and his hands reached for Angel's head, shadowing his movements. Angel kissed and licked him thoroughly, nuzzling all around his balls and the base of his cock. He pressed his hands between Giles' thighs, opening him wider, then bent to take his penis fully in his mouth. He tongued and sucked him thoroughly, bringing the other man rapidly back to full hardness.

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Giles drifted on the edge of consciousness, shock numbing his pain slightly, but not nearly enough. Distantly, he heard Angel's voice pulling him back.

“Rupert, buddy . . . I'm here to tell you, I'm impressed.”

Angel busied himself with cleaning Giles' glasses, for some reason getting a perverse kick out of mimicking the habitual actions of the other man. He stood and moved to stand in front of his victim.

“Hey . . .,” Angel prompted as he slid Giles' glasses onto his face. “How you holdin' up?”

Giles raised his head weakly. “Never . . . better . . .,” he replied.

“Glad to hear it.” Angel moved to kneel at Giles' side. He glanced down to Giles' crotch, then back up to his face. “Now . . . tell me when it hurts . . .” A cruel smile spread across Angel's face.

Giles gasped and forced himself to keep his eyes straight ahead as Angel's strong hand gripped and twisted his genitals painfully through his trousers. He clenched his teeth to hold back a groan. Arms bound behind the back of the chair, legs spread wide and bound to the legs of the chair, Giles was helpless to protect himself.

After a few moments, Angel reached into his own pants pocket and withdrew a folding knife. He slipped it into the breast pocket of Giles' shirt, making sure to press hard against the other man's chest as he did so.

“Hold that for me a moment, would ya?” Angel asked with mock politeness. He shifted to kneel in front of Giles, between his legs, placing his hands on the Watcher's knees and patting cheerfully.

“Okay, let's see what you've got.” Angel reached to open his captive's belt and trousers. Pushing the waistband of Giles' briefs downward, he lifted the other man's genitals out from his clothing, and with his cold hands began to stroke and pet them gently in a mockery of a lover's touch.

“Hey – pretty nice for an old geezer like you. Buffy know you're hung like this?”

Giles sighed in exasperation at the comment. “Of course, Angel,” he replied archly, “she ravishes me three times a week, didn't you know? Berk.”

Angel snickered. “That's the spirit. Hey - let's see how long you can keep that sense of humor, okay?”

Angel reached into Giles' shirt pocket, withdrawing the knife and opening it before the Watcher's eyes. Despite his resolve, Giles' breath quickened and his heart fluttered in his chest as he watched Angel lower the knife to his exposed organs.

“Where should I start, I wonder?” Angel mused, dragging the edge of the cold steel blade along Giles' penis and then beneath his scrotum. He smiled as he watched the sweat bead up at Giles' hairline and down his neck and chest.

Giles jerked helplessly in his bonds, the rough rope cutting into his wrists, as Angel drew the sharp tip of the blade from the base of his penis to the head, careful to avoid major vessels, but leaving a shallow cut welling up with blood. The pain was bad, though not as bad as some he'd endured. It was more the uncertainty of Angel's intentions regarding unmanning him that was truly terrifying. He breathed irregularly, panting, trying to control his fear, as Angel continued to cut him, slow, shallow cuts on his balls and cock, as intent on his work as would be an artist. Giles closed his eyes and tried harder to suppress his fear. He didn't see Angel watching his face intently, observing his every flinch, his every drop of sweat, the rise and fall of his chest in fast, shallow breaths.

He didn't see Angel's smile as the vampire abruptly set aside the knife and lowered his head to engulf Giles' genitals in his mouth, moaning greedily as he lapped and sucked the blood from his victim's manhood.

Giles wretched uncontrollably at the brutal violation of his body. Had there been anything in his stomach to empty, it most certainly would have been. His head spun in pain and in horror, and the world went away for a while.

Angel smiled.

*****************************

Angel reached to open the tube of lubricant, spreading a generous amount on his fingers. Still maintaining his mouth around Giles' cock, he gently began to stroke one finger into the Watcher's anus. He could hear and feel the other man's heart pounding and his breath quickening as he slowly worked in more, relaxing the muscle, preparing Giles' body to take his cock. He stroked in and out, reaching deep and angling forward to touch his prostate, sending the other man's passion yet higher.

“Angel . . . Angel, I'm so close . . .,” Giles groaned. “You need to be inside me . . . be ready to take my blood.”

Angel kissed him deeply, as passionately as he'd ever kissed any lover. He reached again for the tube of lubricant and began to slick his cock.

“You're sure?”

“Yes, damn you! What the hell do you think I'm doing here! Do it now!”

“Rupert . . .”

This time Giles heard the uncertainty in the vampire's voice. He tried to calm his own. “Angel . . . I'm okay with this . . . let me help you . . . please. It will be all right. Please . . . do it now.”

Angel slipped his arms beneath Giles' knees and shifted forward on his own knees, lifting the Watcher's buttocks to rest on his thighs. With Giles' legs to either side of his hips, the vampire placed the tip of his penis at the other man's opening and began to rock against him, his hands holding Giles' hips steady.

Giles groaned as the head of Angel's penis breached him. Angel knew better at this point than to ask if Giles was okay. He continued his motions, gaining ground, going deeper, judging his pace against Giles' breathing. It wasn't long before they were both groaning harshly, Angel thrusting fully into Giles' body.

Giles' eyes were closed, his head tossed back in passion. Angel paused a moment, fully deep within him. He leaned over the other man's face.

“Rupert,” he whispered.

Giles' eyes opened, and Angel kissed him deeply. Giles' hands came up to grip Angel's shoulders and didn't let go. Angel leaned back and continued thrusting. Giles' hands slipped down from his shoulders and came to rest gripping his forearms. His eyes remained fixed on Angel's face.

Giles was making soft cries with each thrust, his passion peaking.

“Angel. . . oh, God . . . oh, God . . . I'm going to come . . . please - you need to take my blood now . . .”

Despite all their prior discussion and agreement, Angel found himself hesitating, doubting his will to control this, his soul crying out at the wrongness of what he was about to do.

“Angel, please . . . for God's sake . . . finish this . . . take my blood . . . let me help you . . . you . . . we . . . we can do this . . .”

Giles' hands slid up Angel's arms, taking hold of his head, pulling him towards his throat. It was the final push Angel needed.

Angel leaned forward, his face shifting to vampire visage as he did so. With one hand he reached beneath Giles' head, entwining his fingers in the Watcher's hair, pulling his head back and to one side, exposing his throat. His other hand reached beneath Giles' shoulder, anchoring himself and the Watcher together for the blood embrace. His lips touched Giles' throat in a brief kiss, then pulled backward. His fangs dragged along skin, searching for the best point of entry, then plunged deep.

Giles cried out as Angel's fangs penetrated his flesh. The pain was minimal, but the effort to control his instincts to fight with everything he had in order to save his life was monumental. After a few moments, the euphoria of the blood draw asserted itself and he calmed. Angel had begun thrusting into his body once again, and Giles felt himself pushed to the edge of passion once again. This time, he knew he was going over.

Giles' orgasm built slowly, each thrust of Angel's cock taking him closer, until suddenly there was a swell like a wave on the ocean, and it was flooding over him, enveloping him and he was drowning in it, unlike any other in his experience. He felt his hands slip from Angel's head, down his arms, to lie motionless out from his sides. He could feel Angel feeding, knew they had accomplished what they had set out to do. Angel's thrusting kept the wave swirling around him, and he let go of the world for a time. As he slipped away, he felt Angel's release within him.

Angel shuddered violently as he reached his peak, his mind and body were awash with sensation like he'd never known. The taste of Giles' blood as the Watcher climaxed defied description. He felt like he could never get enough, and yet felt deeply satisfied at the same time. His own orgasm was almost an afterthought, powerful - yes, satisfying - yes, but pale in comparison to the gift of trust and blood Giles had given him.

All his and Giles' worries regarding his being unable to stop feeding had amounted to naught. He'd only taken a small amount of blood, probably not much more than the Watcher would donate in a blood drive, but it had been more than enough. Angel withdrew his fangs from Giles' throat and licked the wounds gently to promote healing. It was a rare thing. Generally if his fangs found a human throat it was to kill or turn. Though currently unconscious, he knew Giles was very much alive and would recover quickly.

Angel felt his face slip back to human form. He glanced down at his own chest and found his skin unmarked. His reprieve had been extended.

Perhaps there would be redemption after all.

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Angel dozed comfortably for a time. He had used one of the towels to give himself and Giles a brief clean up. He had then lain down on his back, settling the exhausted Watcher against his side, with the other man's head laid on his shoulder, arm flung across his chest. Giles had woken briefly once, very groggy, and forced himself to stay awake long enough to check if Angel had been healed. They had mutually confirmed that the other was all right. Then, satisfied with the outcome of their endeavor, Giles had dropped heavily back asleep on Angel's chest.

In between periods of sleep, Angel stroked his fingers lightly through Giles' wavy hair. He knew dawn would come eventually, but for the moment, he didn't care.

Eventually, he, too, slept deeply

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Angel woke a short time before dawn, his vampire senses alerting him to the coming danger of sunlight. He reached out a hand to where Giles had been asleep beside him through the last hours of the night. The space was empty, but the bedcovers still warm. Giles hadn't been gone long.

Angel rose and quickly dressed himself, finding his clothes neatly laid out on the foot of the bed where Giles had slept. Giles' clothes were nowhere to be seen, nor was the man himself. Angel heard faint sounds of industry from the kitchen and went in search of the source.

As Angel came out of the spare bedroom, he nearly collided with Giles coming out of the kitchen. The Watcher had a mug of familiar thick, red liquid in one hand, and a bandage with a faint reddish tinge at his throat.

“Good morning, Angel,” Giles said with forced lightness, startled by the vampire's sudden appearance. “It's nearly dawn. I fixed this for you in case you needed something before heading out.”

“Thank you.” Angel took the offered mug. Grateful as he was for Giles' thoughtfulness, the thought of drinking the pig's blood turned his stomach. The memory of Giles' climax-saturated blood was still burning too brightly in his mind and palate. He forced himself to drink it nonetheless, knowing he needed to regain his strength.

Giles picked up his own mug of tea and slipped past Angel into the living room. Angel trailed behind him.

“I should thank you, as well,” Giles said, turning to face the vampire.

Angel snorted, surprised. “For what?”

Giles gave a short, muted laugh. “For not killing me? For justifying my trust in you? For giving me far more pleasant memories of our intimate contact than those of the Acathla incident? Something to keep the nightmares at bay, as it were.”

Angel looked deep into Giles' eyes a moment before answering. That Giles could wrap up what happened between them at the mansion as “the Acathla incident” unsettled him. But that was Rupert Giles – a man who offered up his life to save an enemy who'd brutalized him.

Angel shook his head slightly as thoughts jumbled about in his mind. It would have been so very easy for Giles to have simply denied he'd found a cure. Instead, the Watcher had given him his trust and given him back his life, risking his own in the process. Angel thought that, just maybe, with that gift, his own nightmares of the suffering he'd forced on the other man could begin to fade as well.

“Me too,” Angel replied, barely finding his voice.

“It hasn't been easy, you see,” Giles continued, trying to keep his voice casual. “I hated you, Angel - deeply, seethingly - I hated you. I hated you for what you did to Jenny, to Buffy, . . . to me.”

“You had every right . . .”

“No. I didn't,” Giles declared, pulling off his glasses and scrubbing the back of his hand across his eyes. “You see, it's been difficult for me - difficult to accept that you are not the demon who performed those acts. And fearful as I am that the demon shall come again, I can't hold that against who you are at this moment. I can't deny the good that you will do as you are now.” Giles took a breath and replaced his glasses. He turned to face Angel once more. “Can you forgive me?”

Angel's expression went wide with shock. “How can you even ask me that?!”

Giles' gaze didn't waver. “I once told Buffy that forgiveness is an act of compassion, given not because it is deserved, but because it is needed. I'm a poor teacher if I don't heed my own lessons.”

“I'm the one that needs it, Rupert. From you, most of all.”

“You have it – you have had it. I'm sorry I didn't say the words at Christmastime. You caught me off guard. It was hard. It's still . . . sometimes . . . very hard.”

“If my forgiveness is really what you want, then you have it. I'm sorry I caused you do and be things you didn't want to be.”

Giles nodded, a small smile tight at his lips. He reached a hand to squeeze Angel's shoulder briefly, then turned to set his mug on the kitchen pass-thru. He turned back toward Angel, his face and voice returning to his normal manner, his emotions reigned in once again.

“Should you need my help in future . . .”

Angel sensed the change in mood. “I'll come to you. I hope you'll do the same,” he replied earnestly, setting his own empty mug on the counter.

“I shall.”

Angel waved his hand in the direction of the bandage at Giles' neck. “What are you going to tell Buffy about . . .”

Giles gave a brief smile. “I shall avoid her as long as possible, and then I shall tell her the truth.”

“The truth?”

“That I had a run-in with a vampire, but came out the better for it.”

Angel smiled wistfully.

“Will you see her before you go?” Giles asked softly, poorly feigning disinterest with his voice and posture.

“I was going to,” Angel admitted. “I won't if you don't want me to.”

Giles sighed. “I think it best to follow Buffy's approach in this.”

“Which is?”

Giles tilted his head thoughtfully to one side. “To follow your heart.”

After a moment, Angel nodded. “Thank you for trusting me, Rupert.”

“Good luck to you, Angel.”

Angel sensed dismissal in the words. He certainly didn't expect Giles to profess undying friendship and trust of him in perpetuity. Yet he was certain that real healing had occurred between them. Maybe they could build on it for the future. There was time now, or at least the possibility of it.

“You too,” Angel replied sincerely, his throat tight once more. He wished he had something else to say, but he didn't.

Angel left the Watcher's flat, his emotions tumultuous, but his heart lighter than he had known in some time.

He had a score to settle in Los Angeles, and there was work to be done there – the work of his own redemption.

With a last look back to the warm glow of light from the window of Rupert Giles' home, he went in search of Buffy to say goodbye.

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***END*** Part 2 of 2

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Author's Notes

Thank You's:

Many thanks to my most helpful and excellent beta readers, will_conqueror1 and lilruca, who both rose above and beyond the call of duty in turning around their beta comments in the incredibly short 1 whole day I gave them! Thank you also to katekat1010, our esteemed mod, who provided guidance and encouragement on my first S.O.G. outing!

The Quote:

“To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's, it's . . . it's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it.” – Rupert Giles

Giles' quote at the beginning of the story, which he later paraphrases to Angel in the story's final scene, is from 0219, I Only Have Eyes For You, +/-30m. Located for me with blinding speed by my excellent beta and researcher, will_conqueror1 (thanks!).

Why would I write this story when I'm a dedicated G fan and B/G shipper and not particularly interested in Angel?

Themes of forgiveness and redemption are so powerful in the BuffyVerse, I really wanted to explore what I saw as one of the fundamental outstanding issues of forgiveness in the series – how Giles deals with what Angel did to him at the mansion in Becoming Pt II. Giles is by far my favorite character. What he suffered and survived at the mansion is a great illustration of his strength – physical, mental, moral, emotional, and spiritual. It's also one of the things that makes Giles such an amazing character to me – that he could set all that aside and still work with Angel later on, even if it's only for Buffy's sake.

For whatever reason, the show runners elected to show us very little of what happened to Giles in the mansion (either for time constraints or a desire to limit graphic depictions at that point in the series), and some of what we see is self-contradictory. What they do show us is a beat up finger, a cut on the forehead, a little bit of blood on the shirt and hand, shirt open far more than normal, lots of sweat, reddened eyes. Later at the school, we see a stiff, bent-over walk, the healing forehead cut, and two finger splints (that don't match up with the injured finger on screen!). Yet the make up they did on ASH when he's tied to the chair, and the incredible emotion that ASH puts into both Becoming Pt II and Giles' rebuke of Buffy in Revelations when he finds out she has hidden from him the fact that Angel is back, prove to me that Giles suffered much more than we see on screen. “Angel tortured me . . . for hours . . . for pleasure.” I felt a need to work that out. I wanted to have my own understanding of what really happened to Giles, because to my mind, without that, it is harder to comprehend just how amazing his ability to survive that incident is, or how it could affect him in the future.

What was I trying to work out when writing the scenes in the mansion?

Why is Giles so visibly weak and beat-up as he sits tied to the chair, if there's so little blood and visible injury?  This story: Giles was tortured with blunt weapons while fully clothed to weaken him. Thus, when we see Giles in the chair at the end, he's really been beaten up or worked over (as ASH portrays him), but there's still not a lot of blood or visible graphic injury. Massive pain in his back would be a reason for why he's sitting so slouched in the hard chair as well. Also, he'd been “tortured for hours, for pleasure.” He'd been suffering for quite a while at that point.  Angel didn't want him to bleed too much - he had other plans for Giles' blood.

Why did Angel break only two of Giles' fingers (as defined by the splints we see later at the school), and why only on his left hand?  This story: Giles punched Angel with his dominant hand and Angel punished him for it, but stopped after he lost consciousness because it wasn't as much fun.

How did Giles get the cut on his forehead?  This story: Giles' glasses were pushed up when Angel shoved him into the stone column.

Where else can Giles be injured and not conflict with what we see on camera?  This story: Giles has other bleeding injuries but they are beneath clothing and/or off-camera – namely, the single cane cut on his back beneath his shirt (off-camera or hidden by Xander's arm), and the light cuts on his genitals (not visible once Angel would refasten his heavy, dark-colored corduroy trousers).  In addition to these, Giles has the above-mentioned substantial blunt-force trauma injury to his back/sides/legs from the heavy leather flogger and the cane strikes.

Why in the “tell me when it hurts” part of the chair scene did Angel glance down to Giles' crotch and appear to reach to Giles' boy parts and be doing something? Not to mention that evil smirky smile. This story: Genital torture. I'm don't know what David B's stage directions may have been (if any) for the chair scene, but quite a few people, including myself, have noted that he specifically looks down to Giles' crotch, seems to be reaching for that location, makes movements with his shoulders/upper body consistent with grabbing Giles' boy parts, then smiles evilly as Giles tries hard not to react. To make it worse in my story, I extended the concept to include the knife / blood play, would be pretty bad for Giles (physically and emotionally), and yet be consistent with what is seen on screen, in that we don't see much actual physical damage on Giles.

Unresolved issues: We see blood on Giles' left hand, and his left ring finger appears to be cut, bruised and swollen (presumably broken), yet when we see him at the end of the episode, it is only his left index and middle fingers which are splinted, and his left ring finger appears fine. My explanation: Production continuity ooopsie! I went with Angel damaging the fingers we see splinted at the end of the episode in this story. The blood could be from rope cuts on his wrists from struggling to get free.

Why would I write this story so severely beating up on Giles if he's my favorite character?

Ahem.   It's fandom. :-)  I'm a hurt-comfort junkie from wayback. Conflict and major decision-making drive plot, etc.  Blah blah biddy blah. I'm so stuffy, give me a scone! :-)

One of the things I love about Giles is his almost endless capacity for compassion. His gentle rebuke of Buffy regarding forgiveness in “I Only Have Eyes For You,” as quoted in this story is a great example. His ability to continue to work with Angel (heck, even to survive), and then help save his life in Graduation Pt II, even after what Angel does to him in Becoming Pt II is another. Much as he'd be happy to never see Angel again, Giles can't stand by when someone is suffering, and so he agrees to help Angel when the vampire returns to earth. He can see the good, even when its shadowed, even when he'd really prefer not to.

Giles' ethos is pretty gosh dern amazing also. It's why I have Angel hang a lantern on the fact that in this story, Giles could very easily have just claimed he never found a cure, and Angel would have died. But he didn't. He made the hard choice – one that involved great personal sacrifice for him, to be true to his own moral code. And I love him for it.

Finally, ASH suffers so well. :-)

As a fun aside, I once read or saw in an interview somewhere that ASH (who does not consider himself a method actor) asked the makeup department for advice on how to get into that scene, as he had never portrayed torture to that degree before and he wanted to do it justice. He was advised to eat chilli peppers before filming, which he did. He said it generally made him feel pretty crappy and made him sweat and worked very well. I love that story. Yea! for ASH!

Why the heck would I intersperse flashback scenes of graphic torture into what is essentially a “circumstances made them do it” story?

If you're the kind of person who reads author's notes this far :-) , you've probably long since figured this out. I had two goals in this story – to write my own version of what happened in the mansion, and to tell a tale of what Rupert Giles would do if faced with having to put his life at risk to save someone he had every right to hate and want dead.

These two concepts are closely related for Giles and Angel. They have big nasty stuff between them, but they still work together. Why?

In order to relate the two concepts, I needed/wanted visual hooks or keys in each present-time scene to lead into the flashback scenes. For example, I wrote my imagined caning scene which is hooked into Angel seeing the scar on Giles' back. For Giles' two splinted fingers that we see at the school at the end of Becoming Pt II, I wrote the scene where Giles punches Angel and Angel punishes him by breaking fingers on his dominant hand until he loses consciousness. Hopefully, the reader has caught these links and the otherwise WTF juxtaposition of present-time and flashback scenes makes sense.

As to how it might be possible that Giles and Angel are ever able to work together again, there had to be some rapprochement between them. Most of the G/A stories I've read (and I haven't found many), are all very dark and have no resolution to the issues of forgiveness or what happened in the mansion. The one story I did read that dealt well with this, ultimately had Angel losing his soul again and doing even worse things to Giles, which was personally not to my taste. I don't like Giles as helpless victim. I like my Giles beaten down but still feisty to the end.

For me, if there is no resolution and no forgiveness, then Giles is a lesser character in my mind, or at least, he doesn't have the opportunity to show us what he's made of. It is precisely because he can forgive and move on, that he rises far above the average character. It is that amazing quiet strength, courage and endurance in the face of unspeakable adversity that is so fascinating to me about him.

(That, and because ASH is drop-dead gorgeous and has the most amazing voice I've ever heard, especially when he goes all low and rumbly.   Oh - and the chest hair, too, yeah.  And he's a librarian and book lover!  And . . . well, you know!  :-)  )

Thanks for stopping by!

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Summer of Giles (S.O.G.) 2011
June 30, 2011