Fic: Deep in My Heart (Rupert/Faith - NC-17 or FRAO)

[laurtew.livejournal.com]

 My last entry for today is actual writing. This is actually something I pulled from a bigger work and then completely rewrote. (That work is a Faith only story, with Rupert as strictly background. The only similarity is that Faith and Rupert and arguing in a hotel room.)

Anyway, I liked the setup of the two of them together, while they were out on their own in season 8. I found myself wondering if having a dedicated Watcher all to herself would mature her at all. I adore Buffy/Giles, but I really do think that Faith would be a good match for him and understand him in a way Buffy can't. 

With that in mind, I wrote this:


Title: Deep in My Heart
Author’s Name: Laura Sichrovsky (E-Mail: Laurtew@Yahoo.com)
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Rating: NC-17 or FRAO
Season: This is set in season eight from the comic books
Pairing: Rupert/Faith
Warnings: Detailed Shaggage Scene

Summary: When Rupert gets injured on patrol, Faith has to face why she’s so upset about it.

Spoilers: None really, unless you didn’t know Faith and Giles struck out on their own in season 8.

Disclaimer: This is where I put the statement saying that I do not own Faith, Giles (Heh! I wish!), Sunnydale, or anything relating to the show. No one is paying me to do this and if you feel the sudden urge to send me gifts, you might want to talk
to someone about that. Joss Whedon owns all things Buffy and has not given me permission to use these characters as I have so if you have problems with the story, please send the pretzel bombs to me, not him.

Author's Notes: Thanks need to be given, and here is where they go. Thanks to Joss for creating characters so fun to watch and to borrow for a bit. Thanks to Tony Head for making Giles so amazing. I tried to fight it, but he was just too remarkable not to fall for. To Ann,who helped with the details, listened to me ramble, talked me through this, and who never ran out of patience, I owe you so big! Without your help, this would have been PG-13. :) Thank you just doesn’t seem enough. I couldn’t do it without you. Wouldn’t want to try.

Deep In My Heart

Rupert Giles winced as he closed the door behind him and walked into the hotel room he shared with his Slayer. He could feel her eyes on him as he walked to his bed and he made an effort not to limp. As he eased himself down to sit on the edge of the mattress, pain shot through his back and he gasped. He could feel her tense from across the room and he sighed.

“I’m fine.” He turned to look at her and was startled by how pale her face was. He blinked when he saw that her hands were shaking. “Faith? Are you all right?”

“You…” Her voice cracked and she swallowed hard. “You shouldn’t have been out there.”

“We agreed that I would patrol with you every other night.” His voice was calm as he carefully shrugged his jacket off. He ignored the flash of pain that shot across his shoulders. “It will help me evaluate your fighting style so I know how best to train you.”

“That’s crap.” Her voice was harsh and he detected a slight note of hysteria in it. “I’m twenty three years old and my training was over a long time ago.”

“A Slayer’s training lasts all her life.”

“Bullshit.” Faith turned on him, her eyes blazing. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“I was under the impression we were partners.”

Whatever it was he expected from her, tears streaming down her face hadn’t even been on the list. He grunted as he pushed himself up from the bed and crossed the room to her. He gently reached out and touched her shoulder.

She had bowed her head and the dark curtain of her hair hid her face, but he could feel her body trembling under his touch. When she didn’t respond to him, he brushed the hair back so he could see her. She looked up at him, her eyes full of tears.

“Faith?” he asked quietly.

She shook her head, looking away and he reached out, his fingers grazing her chin as he gently turned her face to him.

“Don’t hide from me,” His voice was tender and he felt like he was dealing with a wounded animal that might bolt at any second. “I cannot help you if you won’t talk to me.”

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say. Her expression hardened and she stepped back from him.

“Faith?”

But she cut him off, her voice tight and angry.

“Help me? Why do you always do that? Why is it always about me? You are…” Her voice broke off as she really looked at him and she stepped forward, lightly touching the cut above his eye. “God, look at you. You should see a doctor.”

“I’ll be fine,” he said, smiling at her. “I’ve had much worse in my lifetime.”

“No.” She turned away from him and began to gather up things. “We should get you to the ER.”

“Faith, I will be all right.”

“You don’t know that!” The hysteria was back in her voice and he noticed that she was picking up random things; an ashtray, a book of matches, a pen.

“I do know that.” He tried to make his voice soothing. “I’ve been doing this long enough to know what I should worry about.”

“But you’re limping.” She turned and looked at him. “And bleeding. God, you’re bleeding.”

“I was bleeding. It’s stopped now. The rest is just bruising on an old man. There’s nothing to worry about.”

She was still holding her bundle of items as she looked at him.

“What if it’s worse than you think it is?” Her lower lip trembled. “What if you…”

She broke off, dropping everything on the small table they ate at and turning for the door.

“I…” She took a deep breath. “I can’t. I’m going back out to patrol.”

“Faith.”

“Maybe we missed some.”

“Faith.”

“I’ll try a different part of town.”

She was pulling on her jacket with some desperation and he knew she was about to run off into the night.

“Faith!”

The harshness in his voice stopped her and he walked over to her, taking her hand. At his touch, her shoulders slumped and she began to tremble again.

“Faith, please talk to me. What is wrong?”

Her reply was so quiet that Rupert had to strain to hear her.

“I almost got you killed.”

“Oh, Faith, no.” He gently squeezed her hand to reassure her. “It was just a rough patrol. They happen occasionally.”

“Your injuries…” She swallowed and shook her head.

“Are nothing to worry about. I was thrown against a mausoleum. Luckily it’s just my back that’s bruised. No head injuries or anything worse.”

She reached up and touched the cut over his eye.

“No head injuries?”

“It’s a cut, Faith. A lucky blow from a vampire.”

“That’s my point. What if the lucky blow had snapped your neck or…worse?” Faith bit her lower lip and tried to pull her hand away.

“Faith, if that had happened, it would not be your fault.” Rupert knew if she really wanted to get away, he couldn’t hold her and he took her weak attempts as a good sign.

“But…what would I do without you?” she whispered.

“Faith, you don’t need me. I’m here to help you, but you are very capable on your own.”

“Of course I need you,” she said, her voice still soft. “I…”

She suddenly shook her head, closing her eyes and stepping even further away, pulling her hand back. Rupert refused to let her shut him out like this. He closed the distance between them, taking her hand once again.

“Talk to me, Faith.” His voice was soft but insistent. “What were you going to say?”

She shook her head again, looking down and Rupert gently stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. He went on instinct, hoping he was going the right direction with this.

“It was nothing.” She closed her eyes and took a breath. “We should get you cleaned up, maybe get something to eat.”

Rupert didn’t move. He stood and stared at her, waiting for her to tell him what was on her mind. After a minute she opened her eyes, looking at him and sighing.

“Don’t do that.” She sounded tired. “Stop looking at me.”

But Rupert refused to look away. He focused on her face, watching emotions chasing each other across her features, warring for dominance. He could see anger, frustration, worry, incredulity, and… He frowned, his brows coming together. He couldn’t have read that last one right. He was still contemplating it when she pulled her hand away again.

She walked a few feet away and turned her back to him. He could see the tension in her shoulders. He walked up to her, gently touching her. She reacted like he’d burned her, jerking away.

“I don’t want your pity,” she said, her voice tense.

“Pity?” Rupert was confused. “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“I saw your face,” she replied, her voice sounding like it was coming through clenched teeth. “I saw how disgusted you looked.”

“Disgust…” Rupert frowned again. “No, Faith, that was confusion, not disgust. If you would just talk to me, I wouldn’t have to give you that look.”

She turned to face him, her arms crossed tightly, her whole body telegraphing defensiveness.

“That was not confusion,” she growled. “You saw what I was thinking and you frowned. It was disapproval at the least.”

“Faith, look at me. I honestly have no idea what you are talking about. If I even had a clue what you were thinking, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. All I saw was anger and frustration.”

It wasn’t entirely true, but Rupert was sure that he had read the other emotion in himself, projecting his own fantasies into her eyes. There was no way he was even going to voice that for a second he’d thought he’d seen affection and desire directed at him.

Not that it would have been the first time he’d taken her to his bed after a fight. She was a true Slayer in that if she didn’t complete the kill, the adrenaline turned in on her, made her jumpy and distracted. She channeled it into sexual need. Rupert was her Watcher now and he wasn’t about to let her turn to vampires or strangers to work out her need. He’d made that mistake before and look how it had turned out. He might have been older than Faith, but he could keep up with her in bed.

The first time had been a bit awkward. She’d been caught completely off guard when he offered to give her release. But she had needed and he’d provided, seeking nothing for himself, working to pleasure her over and over, until she had collapsed on the bed, face flushed, panting to catch her breath. She’d looked at him with huge eyes, her expression one of confusion as she’d tried to work out what had just happened. He’d just stroked her hair, told her to get some sleep, and had gone off to the shower to get rid of his own tension in private.

She’d gotten used to him, accepted that he really did want to take care of her, and after that, whenever the fight was particularly brutal or she was denied the kill, they would come back to the hotel and shag each other until the sun came up. It was a good arrangement, giving them both release and the ability to sleep. But it simply was another of his duties. There was no emotional entanglement; such a thing was not in Faith’s makeup. He knew that none of it meant anything to her. He was simply a way to fill the need. This was just a task like any other he did. Just as he kept her weapons sharp and made sure she ate well. At least that was what he told himself.

At night, when he slept in one bed and could hear her breathing in the other, he would tell himself over and over again that he was her Watcher, he was 25 years older, she would never care for him that way. Sometimes it was enough. Other nights, he would lie awake, wishing it could be otherwise, trying to will his heart to see her as a daughter, not as a woman.

Now, he focused his attention back on her, watching her face. She still had her arms crossed and was holding her body rigid, but her expression had softened.

“Why don’t you tell me what you were thinking,” Rupert said, hoping to defuse the situation.

Instead a look of mild horror crossed Faith’s face and she turned away again.

“Nevermind,” she said quietly. “Let’s just get something to eat.”

Rupert sighed. It was going to be a long night, he decided. He crossed over to her again, putting a hand on her arm. At first she resisted, but when he tried again, she let him turn her around. He gently gathered her into his arms.

“Faith, please talk to me,” he said. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.”

“You just think you want to know,” she replied, her voice muffled by his shirt. “But I’m pretty sure that you really don’t.”

“Shouldn’t that be my choice?” he asked quietly as he started to rub her back.

“Why are you like this?” she asked, the question seemingly unrelated to the conversation.

“Like what?” Rupert asked, wondering if he’d missed something.

“You always…it’s always about me. When we train, patrol, even in bed. Everything is always for me.”

“I’m your Watcher,” he said simply, wishing that was the only reason.

“So, you do it because you have to?” she asked, her voice neutral, giving nothing away.

He wanted to answer yes, even went so far as to draw in a breath to answer, but the word wouldn’t come out. He stood in silence, holding her, willing her not to ask any further, yet terrified she would and his shameful secret would be out.

She pulled back slightly looking up at him and he tried for all he was worth to keep his expression neutral. She studied his face momentarily and he had to look away, unable to hide what he felt for her in such close emotional quarters. She reached up, gently touching his face, but he refused to look down at her. She ran her fingers along his face until she touched his chin. She tried to tilt his head down, but he resisted.

“Rupert?” she said, her voice just above a whisper.

He blinked, taken by surprise. In all their time together, even in bed, she never called him Rupert. He looked down at her, eyes wide. After a couple breaths, he closed them, afraid that she would see everything.

“Now who’s hiding?” she asked.

“I’m not hiding,” he responded, rebuilding his emotional walls. He opened his eyes, smiling at her. “It’s just not relevant to the conversation. It’s not important.”

“What is it you always tell me?” she asked a slight frown of concentration on her face. “If it’s something you feel then it *is* important? Does that only apply to me?”

“Faith, I…” He paused, gathering his thoughts. “What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to tell me how you really feel,” she said.

“Why? To what end?”

“Because it’s important to me?”

“Is it?” he asked, looking at her seriously. “You profess to have no real emotions, to reject any relationships. I am your Watcher. I will take care of you and keep you alive. What else is there?”

“I’m not allowed to grow?” she asked, a slight tremor to her voice. “I can’t change?”

“Faith…”

“No, listen to me.” She sounded almost hysterical again, so he looked down at her, watching the emotional storm in her eyes. “I…I’ve always kept myself safe, never let myself care for anyone because they always let me down. If I…love someone, they leave me, disappoint me, or die. Do you know how much that hurts?”

Rupert could only nod.

“Exactly!” she said, her voice intense. “You do know. You know what it’s like to be hurt, to hide yourself to keep it from happening again. You understand what it’s like to fail, to disappoint everyone, and to start over again. You know me because you are like me. I’ve wanted to get close to someone, but…you know? I tried to with Buffy and the other Slayers, but that never worked. I thought I could with Robin, but I just couldn’t completely bring the walls down for him. I always thought if I kept moving, kept the walls in place, no one would get in.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Rupert asked.

“Because I was wrong,” Faith replied, her lips thinning as she pressed them together. “I tried, I really did. I even convinced myself that I was succeeding. But tonight, when that vampire threw you and you were knocked out, I thought you were dead. I thought I’d lost you and…”

She swallowed hard, then bowed her head. Rupert pulled her a little closer trying to give her strength. But it wasn’t what she wanted. She moved from his arms and started pacing.

“Do you get it? I thought I’d lost you and I’ve never hurt so much in my life. How could you do this to me?”

“Do what to you?” Rupert was completely confused now. “I didn’t die. I’m still here. What did I do to you?”

She stopped pacing and turned to face him, her eyes blazing.

“You made me fall in love with you, you idiot!”

Rupert wasn’t sure what he had been expecting her to say, but this wasn’t it and it took him a minute to process.

“I’m sorry, I think I must have caught Xander’s hysterical deafness,” he said, frowning at her. “What did you say?”

“You heard me,” she snapped. “This is stupid. I shouldn’t have said anything at all.”

With that, she turned and headed for the door, grabbing her coat as she went. Rupert jumped forward putting himself in front of the door, blocking her way.

“Typical,” he said, giving her a serious look.

“Acting like an ass or cutting and running” she snapped back, glaring at him.

“Not giving me a chance to respond,” he said.

“I don’t want to hear your rejection, no matter how nicely you put it,” she said. “I can’t even believe I brought it up.”

“What makes you think it would be a rejection?” he asked, his mind racing, realizing that she had actually said she felt the same about him.

She looked at him, her eyes narrowing.

“Because no one has ever really felt that way about me.”

“But I do,” Rupert responded, stepping towards her. “I didn’t say anything because I was sure you saw me as an old man.”

“You…” she looked unsure, doubt in her eyes. “You’re just feeling sorry for me. You don’t have to…”

“No, I don’t have to,” he interrupted. “I want to. Very much. Faith, I think I’ve fallen in love with you too. Will you take a chance on me?”

She looked at him, her eyes searching his. After a moment he saw the shock as she realized what she was seeing. He saw her hesitate, then take the jump, her defenses crumbling and she nodded. Rupert smiled at her.

“I guess the extra patrol can wait,” she said, returning the smile.

She dropped her jacket on the floor and jumped into his arms, kissing him hard, her tongue demanding entry. Rupert broke the kiss and gently set her down. She looked up at him, confused and hurt. He reached out and stroked her face, shaking his head.

“Not like that,” he whispered. “Not tonight.”

He leaned down and kissed her, gently, tenderly, his mouth caressing hers. She whimpered against him and he broke the kiss again. He took her hand, leading her towards the bed.

“Let me show you how this is supposed to be,” he said, “Let me love you.”

Every other time they had been together had been from desperation and need. It was always fast and rough, tearing clothes away, pinning each other to walls and furniture. This time, Rupert wanted to take his time, to show her how beautiful and amazing he thought she was.

This moment was everything Rupert had ever wanted. He loved her deeply, but he’d never dared hope that she would return that love. When she said the words, he’d thought he was hallucinating. He wanted to believe her; his doubts ate him whole, but in the end, his love for her overcame his fears and he took her in his arms.

He leaned in, kissing her again and after a moment’s hesitation, she kissed back. His hands went to her hair, tangling in it, pulling her closer. He broke the kiss, his mouth going to her ear. He nibbled on her earlobe, his breath ghosting along her skin.

“Are you sure?” He whispered.

“God, yes,” Faith gasped.

“If you change your mind, just tell me,” he said as his lips moved to her neck, traveling along her throat, nipping and kissing along her skin. He was gratified to feel her shiver in his arms.

He kissed her again, his mouth caressing hers, as he lost himself in her kiss. The scent of her, the intoxicating taste of her, filled his senses, causing a shiver to run through his body. She felt so wonderful in his arms; he’d dreamed of this for so long, never had he thought he would be more than a method of release for her.

He gently ran his tongue across her lips and she opened her mouth to him. He sucked her lower lip, nipping it slightly eliciting a moan, and his whole body responded. He could feel her need and desire tingle across his skin and he gasped in response. He felt her smile and she broke the kiss, looking up at him.

“Like that, do you?” she asked.

Rupert could only nod. She stepped from his arms, lowering her head and looking up at him through her eyelashes.

“How about this?” Her voice was husky and flirty and Rupert found he liked it very much.

She reached down and grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling it over her head, revealing that she was wearing a sports bra underneath. It wasn’t particularly sexy, but Rupert couldn’t take his eyes off her chest.

“Oh, so you are a breast man, are you?” she asked. He wanted to answer her, but his breath caught in his throat as she pulled the bra off and tossed behind her. She laughed. “Oh, yeah, you are.”

He was surprised how quickly she kicked off her shoes and slid out of her jeans.

“I thought you were going to show me how it’s done,” she said, moving to recline on the pillows of his bed, wearing nothing but her red silk panties.

Rupert walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. In one swift move, he grabbed her leg and pulled her down to him, rolling so he was on his side, looking down at her.

“I told you, I’m not going to rush this.”

He reached out, resting his hand on her hip. Slowly, he ran his fingers up, drifting up her side, tracing her ribs with agonizing slowness. She whimpered softly and he looked up to see that her eyes were closed and she was biting her lower lip. He smiled and moved further up, ghosting along the swell of her breast before his touch became firmer. Rupert leaned slightly forward.

“Don’t hold back,” he whispered, close to her ear. “I want to hear how I make you feel.”

He shifted his weight, moving to take her nipple in his mouth, gently sucking. Faith arched up into him, moaning loudly. Rupert swirled his tongue around, teasing, feeling her breath catching as he alternated between licking and nipping. He moved his other hand to her neglected breast, cupping her, feeling the softness of her skin, the firm weight, the hardness of her nipple.

Faith reached out, grabbing him by the sweatshirt and arching into his touch. After a moment, he felt her tug on the shirt.

“Why…are you …still dressed?” she gasped.

Rupert sighed, abandoning his worship of her chest to look up at her. After a moment, he sat up. Some part of him had hoped he could get through this whole experience without her having to actually see his body. He was sure she didn’t realize that when they usually had sex, he kept most of his clothes on. Now, she would see him for the old man he was. She was looking at him expectantly, so he sighed again and pulled his shirt off quickly.

He took a breath, then looked at her. She was studying him, looking him over thoroughly. After a few interminable seconds, she smiled.

“Well, bring that sexy body down here where I can touch it,” she said, reaching for him.

He let her pull him down and began to kiss her again, slowly, deeply. Faith’s hands traced up his arms, along his shoulders. When she got to his back, he winced, remembering his injuries.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

She moved her touch back to his arms, moving to his chest as he deepened the kiss. She started to play with his chest hair, winding her fingers in it, gently tugging and he gave a low growl of approval. When she pinched his nipples, he moaned, arching in and grinding his denim clad erection against her. Faith gasped, her breath catching at the back of her throat, so he kept thrusting against her.

He was surprised when she grabbed his hips, stilling his movements. He was about to ask what was wrong when she sat up, forcing him to sit back on his heels. She leaned forward, her hands going to his groin, touching, feeling, massaging. Rupert’s breath started coming in sharp pants and gasps and Faith smiled. Then she was unzipping his jeans and reaching in, freeing him, her hand curling around him.

“Oh, lord, yes,” Rupert groaned, causing Faith to laugh.

He could feel his pleasure building and he shifted the balance of power, needing to get some control. He pushed forward, tossing Faith down on to the pillows moving to suckle her chest again. As he did, he moved a hand down her abdomen, trailing over the silk of her panties. She writhed against him as he stroked her through the material, all the while, nipping and licking her breasts.

He could feel how wet she was through the fabric and he couldn’t resist pushing the panties aside and slipping a finger in. Faith screamed out, her hips coming off the mattress as he felt the soft warmth of her. Suddenly Rupert couldn’t remember why he was dragging this out anymore. He needed her and by the sound of her moans, Faith desired him too.

“I want you now,” he growled, urgency in his voice.

He was contemplating how best to work around his clothes, when Faith shocked him by pulling her knees up to cradle his hips. Before he could wonder what she was up to, she slid her feet down his side, pushing his jeans and boxers off his butt and down his thighs. He might have laughed if he hadn’t been so damn turned on by it.

He shifted slightly, pushing the clothing further down, then kicked it off, shoving it somewhere behind him. With an impatience driven by passion, Rupert roughly pulled her panties down her legs and tossed them over his shoulder.

He balanced his weight on his arms and leaned in to kiss her again, his tongue caressing hers. One part of him wanted to just pound into Faith, but he wanted this to be different from all the other times, so he leaned in, slowly entering her. She cried out, arching up to meet him, pushing him further in. He closed his eyes, her warmth and tightness threatening to overwhelm him.

Rupert slowly pulled out; unable to restrain himself he thrust in again, quickly establishing a rhythm and losing himself in the sensations of her. Faith moaned, bringing her legs around him, pulling him closer. Every stroke sent shocks through him, bringing him closer to the edge as he fought to keep control.

“Oh God,” she gasped. “This is…you feel…don’t stop.”

Something about her desperate, needy tone set his blood racing and he picked up the pace, pounding into her. Her cries of ecstasy fueled him on and he could feel his orgasm building. He changed the angle of his strokes slightly and she was trembling beneath him. She cried out, her whole body clenching and then she was screaming his name. He watched her tumble over the edge, her cries of pleasure igniting the fire of his own climax.

It washed over him, pulling him under. His head was spinning from the pleasure and even he was surprised at how long it lasted. He slowed his rhythm as he began to get his breath back and he looked down at Faith. She was smiling up at him.

“I think I could get used to this,” she said, reaching up to touch his face.

Rupert’s arms were trembling, so he rolled onto his back, choking back a swear word when waves of pain shot through him.

“Giles?” she asked, as he rolled onto his side to face her.

“I’m alright,” he said. “I just forgot about the bruising from earlier.”

He urged her to turn and she flipped over, her back against his front. He pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her. He nuzzled against her neck.

“What was it you were saying about getting used to this?” he asked, his breath ghosting along her skin.

“Oh, just that I get the appeal of slow and sweet as opposed to ‘here, let me move those panties out of the way and oh, try not to break that table.’.”

Rupert chuckled, pulling her closer.

“Well, good then,” he said, burying his nose in her hair. He really did love the scent of her. “Because this is how I plan to spend most of our nights from here on out.”

“Oh, really, now,” Faith replied, her voice full of amusement.

“Oh, don’t get me wrong,” he said. “We will definitely have our share of break the furniture, I just can’t wait to get you out of those damn clothes, nights. You are a Slayer after all. But I think this is the perfect way to end the majority of our nights, don’t you?”

“Think you can keep up?” she asked, laughing.

“I’m certainly going to try,” he murmured, just on the edge of sleep. “For the rest of my life, if you’ll let me.”

“That sounds nice,” Faith replied, snuggling close, drifting off herself.

Tomorrow they would discuss all this, work out all the details. But for tonight, they had each other and everything was right.

The End